[He doesn't get it. He doesn't get how, after all that, after even just the basic details of his story - he cut out so much of it and it was still as terrible as he remembers - someone could think he's worth anything at all. It just doesn't make any sort of sense to him. Guzma's had it beaten into him, literally, that he's worthless, that he's just some piece o trash no one wants around. That he's damaged, broken, irreparable, and just not worth the effort. He's had it beaten out of him, by people and by life itself, that there's anything good left of him. That it never existed at all.
Anything good, anything he could be proud of, anything he could show off...was just something someone could use to their benefit. It happened again, and again. It happened with his father, it happened with Lusamine... He doesn't want to open that part of himself up again and have it broken more than it already is.
And yet. Here this stupid, naive little girl is, telling him he's wrong. Telling him everything that's been pummeled into his skull is wrong. Telling him that he can keep being the person he is, that it's okay or him to get mad, to be angry. That she'd stay behind him. It's...it's idiotic, is his first thought. He hates it, because it's stupid. Why? Why would she stay? Doesn't she understand he could lash out at her? Doesn't she understand that he almost did? He's come so close, and yet she says those things? It's...it's--
It's like his stupid little brothers and sisters. His grunts, rom when he still ran Team Skull. Despite everything, despite laying into them harshly when they messed up, despite knocking them around, despite putting the fear of Arceus into them, despite....everything...they were willing to put themselves on the line to get him back from Ultra Space. They were willing to keep the memory of their bond with them, even after the team disbanded. Guzma covers his eyes, squeezing them shut and pinching his fingers at the corners with grit teeth as he breathes in deeply, feeling heat and moisture well behind those shut lids.
He tries to respond, but the sound gets caught in his throat as it seems to tighten up suddenly, and he just...just shakes his head. She's wrong. None of that is true. He can't understand...he just can't. And yet.
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Anything good, anything he could be proud of, anything he could show off...was just something someone could use to their benefit. It happened again, and again. It happened with his father, it happened with Lusamine... He doesn't want to open that part of himself up again and have it broken more than it already is.
And yet. Here this stupid, naive little girl is, telling him he's wrong. Telling him everything that's been pummeled into his skull is wrong. Telling him that he can keep being the person he is, that it's okay or him to get mad, to be angry. That she'd stay behind him. It's...it's idiotic, is his first thought. He hates it, because it's stupid. Why? Why would she stay? Doesn't she understand he could lash out at her? Doesn't she understand that he almost did? He's come so close, and yet she says those things? It's...it's--
It's like his stupid little brothers and sisters. His grunts, rom when he still ran Team Skull. Despite everything, despite laying into them harshly when they messed up, despite knocking them around, despite putting the fear of Arceus into them, despite....everything...they were willing to put themselves on the line to get him back from Ultra Space. They were willing to keep the memory of their bond with them, even after the team disbanded. Guzma covers his eyes, squeezing them shut and pinching his fingers at the corners with grit teeth as he breathes in deeply, feeling heat and moisture well behind those shut lids.
He tries to respond, but the sound gets caught in his throat as it seems to tighten up suddenly, and he just...just shakes his head. She's wrong. None of that is true. He can't understand...he just can't. And yet.
He's thankful.]