[She never forgets she's going to die soon, but it's not at the forefront of her mind anymore. It's not the first thing she remembers when she finds a nice trinket to shove into her bag-that it won't be in her possession long. She doesn't think about it when she's grass whistling with Murasaki-that one day he'll be playing that tune alone.
Because it's warm here. It's fun. There are hands grabbing her whenever she feels cold and scared and lonely. There are people and cats and elves and giant mice and kind rabbits scattered across the island at any given second. There's a man who lets her wear sunglasses, a kind elf that braids flowers in her hair, a child that holds her hand around weird glowing pools, a brave girl that understands what it means to miss a cat, and above it all, a cat that indulges her every whim. That sits with her. That talks with her. That lets her hold his friends and tells her stories about his brothers whenever she asks.
When she looks at all them, remembers them, she doesn't need to remember that she's dying because for once, she's so happy to be alive. Her heart pounds too fast because she's playing tag with pokemon, not because she's going to pass out. She's tired at night because she spent all day being around others, not because her disease is catching up to her.
So when he asks that question, her smile doesn't falter, but there's definitely something in her expression that softens in a sad way. Because the loneliest she ever felt wasn't when the children had died, wasn't when the world became completely empty and her life was in the hands of a bitter ghost trying to make it emptier.
It was when Seto found out about her illness. When he stopped listening to her. When he became driven and focused on finding a relief for her that she knew was only temporary no matter how many bottles they found. When he stopped smiling at her. When he was sitting right by her side, but he wasn't there at all.]
It was always that way before-
['Do you think I'm going to die soon?']
Before Seto. It was that way. Every day.
[Wandering around the empty houses, sleeping around piles of broken glass from pictures of families she's only ever read about in picture books.]
Before coming here, it was like that. I was-
[Lonely. Scared. Anxious. Worried. Words she could normally share easily with a cat, and yet she finds herself stumbling and instead-]
I'm very happy now. Because of Murasaki-chan it's not like that anymore.
no subject
Because it's warm here. It's fun. There are hands grabbing her whenever she feels cold and scared and lonely. There are people and cats and elves and giant mice and kind rabbits scattered across the island at any given second. There's a man who lets her wear sunglasses, a kind elf that braids flowers in her hair, a child that holds her hand around weird glowing pools, a brave girl that understands what it means to miss a cat, and above it all, a cat that indulges her every whim. That sits with her. That talks with her. That lets her hold his friends and tells her stories about his brothers whenever she asks.
When she looks at all them, remembers them, she doesn't need to remember that she's dying because for once, she's so happy to be alive. Her heart pounds too fast because she's playing tag with pokemon, not because she's going to pass out. She's tired at night because she spent all day being around others, not because her disease is catching up to her.
So when he asks that question, her smile doesn't falter, but there's definitely something in her expression that softens in a sad way. Because the loneliest she ever felt wasn't when the children had died, wasn't when the world became completely empty and her life was in the hands of a bitter ghost trying to make it emptier.
It was when Seto found out about her illness. When he stopped listening to her. When he became driven and focused on finding a relief for her that she knew was only temporary no matter how many bottles they found. When he stopped smiling at her. When he was sitting right by her side, but he wasn't there at all.]
It was always that way before-
['Do you think I'm going to die soon?']
Before Seto. It was that way. Every day.
[Wandering around the empty houses, sleeping around piles of broken glass from pictures of families she's only ever read about in picture books.]
Before coming here, it was like that. I was-
[Lonely. Scared. Anxious. Worried. Words she could normally share easily with a cat, and yet she finds herself stumbling and instead-]
I'm very happy now. Because of Murasaki-chan it's not like that anymore.